Systemic work - De Groene Linde

Many people who are working through past traumas end up seeing a therapist who specialises in systemic work. Sonja Elferink, a close friend of Marianne’s, is a trainer in systemic work and family constellations, a facilitator of various workshops and a complementary therapist. Sonja runs her training course in systemic work in our beautiful venue in Heiloo. This inspired Marianne – as did Sonja’s request – to develop a new, wonderful range to use during these constellations.

What is a family constellation??

Systemic work is a form of therapy based on the premise that we are all part of a system, a group – such as your family, for example. Every individual within the family behaves according to a certain (unconscious) pattern. During a family constellation, under the guidance of the therapist, you will examine events and/or people within your family system that are interconnected. These connections can influence the past and the present, but also the future.

Sonja Elferink on systemic work:

‘A family constellation can give you insight into your behaviour and your relationships. It clearly shows you how family ties influence your life. Sometimes, events that took place many generations ago can still influence the way you live your life today.’.

The root of the problems you’re experiencing doesn’t necessarily lie in your own story, but may also stem from the stories of our parents, grandparents and even further back in the family system.

Trauma (unresolved emotions) can be passed down from one generation to the next. In other words, time does not heal all wounds. Fragments of life experiences, memories and physical sensations may manifest themselves within your system in order to find a resolution.

Through family constellations and systemic work, you can gain insight into these hidden patterns in the undercurrent and break the cycle of pain and suffering. The scent frequencies from this range can support you in the process during a constellation, but are also helpful if, for example, you wish to work on a ’mother figure’.’

‘Pain travels through the system until someone is willing to feel it’ – Stephi Wagner

When are you going to do a family constellation?

Sometimes you might keep coming up against the same issues over and over again, and you just can’t quite put your finger on where they’re coming from. It may well be that your family carries a certain kind of karma, of which you’ve also become a part.

When you are born, you are not entirely a ‘tabula rasa’ (a blank slate); you already carry unresolved emotions with you, and energetically speaking, you also carry certain things within you. Consider, for instance, the emotions that were at play at the moment of conception. But there are also unresolved emotions from parents, grandparents and even further back in the family line. You carry these with you as a child and, even as a child, you feel the emotions and pain of these parents and grandparents. In this way, it can simmer for generations until someone addresses it. Through a family constellation, the ‘problem’ can emerge very quickly and very clearly. You can then finally let go of emotions tied to unresolved issues that aren’t yours, and you finally see who you really are. You often live according to your parents’ desires. Break through this illusion and reconnect with yourself.

The scent frequencies

As a therapist, you can make wonderful use of the scent frequencies from this range when facilitating a family constellation. You can also continue to use a scent after a session to help you break certain patterns within the family.

𝙳𝚎 𝙾𝚙𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚛 – 𝙱𝚒𝚓 𝚓𝚎𝚣𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚎𝚗 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚗

As a facilitator, you connect with your client. You can imagine that if there’s something going on within you yourself, you may be affected by your client’s process. And that’s perfectly fine as long as you’re aware of it and can allow yourself to feel it at that moment.

As the facilitator, it’s helpful to focus half your attention on yourself and the other half on the client and the constellation. You then use your body as an instrument of resonance and a mirror, and it’s helpful if your own system is like a blank sheet of paper. In this way, your intuition works at full capacity and you become the quiet, spacious centre in which the constellation takes place. You can then observe keenly and be at ease with whatever arises.

𝙼𝚘𝚎𝚍𝚎𝚛 – 𝙶𝚎𝚟𝚘𝚎𝚕 𝚎𝚗 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚎𝚜

Your mother represents your inner world. The way in which you have connected with your mother on an inner level determines whether you can connect fully with others without losing yourself in the process.

Can you accept your mother completely and wholeheartedly, with everything she has given and everything she has not given? Can you allow her way of loving, even if you don’t need it? The moment you perceive your mother as a source of pain (which can even begin whilst you’re still in the womb), you lose that connection and will no longer feel safe and secure in that aspect of your life. When you can fully accept your mother for who she is, your life energy can flow and be felt at the deepest level.

𝚅𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 – 𝙱𝚞𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚕𝚍

Your father represents your external world. When you feel unseen by your father, a desire may arise to prove yourself to society, and you begin to seek recognition and validation in the outside world. If that doesn’t work out, you may feel powerless and fail to take the initiative. The opposite can also be experienced: a compulsion to prove yourself arises, and you seek success and to be seen. When you can fully accept your father for who he is, your motivation shifts from seeking validation in the outside world to your inner drive. You then follow your own heart and authenticity and are no longer dependent on what the outside world wants from you or thinks of you.

𝚆𝚊𝚊𝚛𝚍𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚍 – 𝙻𝚎𝚎𝚏 𝚓𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗

Can you feel at home in your body? Can you experience that everything is already fine just as it is? Can you sense that separation is an illusion? Or do you still need all sorts of things to feel good or better? You no longer need to fight for anything because you’re already good enough. Nothing is missing, and you don’t need to work on yourself either. Life has ‘crafted’ you just as you are, so why would you go into battle with life itself? We often think we know better, and then we find ourselves at odds with reality. When you become aware of this, you can let go of your inner struggle and surrender to what is.

You may derive your dignity from Life itself.

𝙹𝚎 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚔 – 𝙽𝚎𝚎𝚖 𝚓𝚎 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚔 𝚒𝚗

Everyone in a system has their own place. If you are no longer in the right place, the energy can no longer flow properly.

Imagine that your family system is situated on a series of plateaus on a mountain. The emotional and energetic flow of that mountain moves from top to bottom, just like the water in a stream. You stand, in order of birth, on a plateau on the mountain below your parents, together with your brothers and sisters, miscarriages, aborted children, unacknowledged children, and so on. When people are excluded (consciously or unconsciously), you may well end up in that spot because this has created an imbalance in the system, and you take that place in order to restore the balance.

Another common issue is that you take on too much responsibility for your parents when you experience and begin to carry their (unconscious) traumas, in the hope that this will make things better for them – and therefore for you as well. You try very hard to achieve this and you climb your way up the mountain. In this way, you can become the father or mother to your own parents. But it is an illusion to think that you can resolve your parents’ pain – or anyone else’s for that matter. Their pain is not lessened by this, and you are shouldering a responsibility that is not yours. The result is that you can no longer receive and can only give. Your parents will no longer be able to see you, and you’ll start to feel very lonely. When you return to your rightful place by giving that responsibility back (because you’re not in charge of your parents or others), you’ll experience a fulfilling life – with all that it brings and all that it costs.

𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊 – 𝙻𝚘𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝚟𝚊𝚗 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚞𝚖𝚊

Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, trivialised, denied, misunderstood and untreated cause of human suffering.

– Peter Levine –

Trauma is the experience of lacking the physical, emotional and psychological resources to cope with a situation, leading to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, being overwhelmed and mortal fear. These experiences are split off (dissociation) as a means of survival, in order to make life bearable again. In short, unprocessed emotions are suppressed.

In this way, the unprocessed emotions form the ‘trauma part’, which can be triggered and is therefore avoided. This gives rise to survival strategies based on your healthy qualities, which ensure that you no longer have to feel the pain. These survival strategies are also known as ‘masks’. If we take responsibility for fully experiencing our trauma, we can make better decisions for ourselves, and our survival parts and mechanisms will naturally fall away. And… everyone has traumas. This scent frequency will support you in this process.

𝙻𝚘𝚢𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚒𝚝 – 𝙳𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚔𝚎𝚗

Loyalty is often confused with love. The other person is very important to us, and we do everything we can to make them happy. We feel that if they are happy, we can be happy too. We want to feel that we belong and that we won’t be rejected. The question is, do you remain loyal to the other person or the system, or do you follow your own path? Loyalty stems from a fear of rejection, of not belonging, and from a desire to feel innocent. And that has nothing to do with love. When you are no longer afraid of being rejected, you no longer need to be loyal to what others think is the right thing to do. To develop and grow, you say YES to yourself, even if that means saying no to someone else.

𝙳𝚎 𝚂𝚙𝚒𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚕 – 𝚆𝚊𝚝 𝚓𝚎 𝚣𝚎𝚐𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚗 𝚓𝚎 𝚣𝚎𝚕𝚏

In a constellation, it often becomes (painfully) clear that, for example, you resemble your mother or father more than you would like. What is at stake here is that what we see in the other person is actually something within ourselves that we do not want to see or feel. We also project our own expectations, desires and judgements onto the other person, rather than taking responsibility and acknowledging and working through these painful feelings. We are responsible for how we feel.

If you find yourself judging others a lot, this scent frequency will help you see through this mental game.

𝚃𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚜 – 𝙸𝚗 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚗

Conceived as part of a multiple pregnancy but born alone…

You don’t quite feel at home. You’re still searching. A vague sense that something is missing. Feelings of powerlessness, guilt, abandonment, difficulty letting go, and a fear of commitment. Everyone ends up letting you down. Because no one can replace the lost other half of the twin.

These are some of the themes that also arise in connection with Vanishing Twin Syndrome. In this condition, you are genetically part of a twin or multiple pregnancy but are born as a singleton. This is quite common. Around 1 in 10 pregnancies begins as a multiple pregnancy. Only 1 in 100 result in twins. This phenomenon can become apparent during a constellation. When it does, a flood of emotions is released and you suddenly understand where all those feelings come from. It is then important that you give your twin half a place within your system, so that you can ground yourself in your body with your feet firmly on the ground.

𝙸𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚓𝚔 𝙺𝚒𝚗𝚍 – 𝚉𝚘𝚛𝚐 𝚎𝚛 𝚐𝚘𝚎𝚍 𝚟𝚘𝚘𝚛

Can all our inner children be accepted? The happy child, the hurt child? We often still reject the little girl or boy within ourselves because we no longer want to feel what that child felt. The moment a trauma occurs, the child’s development freezes at the age at which the trauma occurred. This may mean that you find yourself acting like a stamping toddler or a headstrong teenager. What you need then is to embrace the child within you and tell them that they are safe with you now, that you love them and that there is nothing wrong with them. Then the child within you can continue to develop and grow into emotional maturity.

When conducting family constellations, it is useful to use a roll-on. This way, the rest of the group is not bothered by the scents and the room does not become completely filled with the sprays. You should always use the roll-on on the client for whom the constellation has been set up. The moment a trauma surfaces, you can apply the roll-on to the client’s hand and let them smell it briefly. If another scent is needed a little later, you can apply it to the other hand, and so on. All frequencies are available as aura spray, essential oil and roll-on. This allows the client to continue using the scents at home in their own preferred way after a constellation session, for ongoing support.

We are absolutely delighted with these scent frequencies and were also able to enjoy the scents during a special evening hosted by Sonja. They are comforting, warm and uplifting scents.

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Systemic approach